A Farewell to the Mass Mailer

By Colleen Walton, Marketing Strategist, Brand Acceleration, Inc.

Dearly beloved, we gather here today to bid farewell to our treasured friend, the mass mailer.  For decades, she was our trusted method for promoting ourselves.  We spent hours leaning over our desks crafting her message and designing her layout.  We sent her off to be printed and waited with bated breath to see how she turned out.  When boxes full of her arrived from the printer, we opened them and breathed in her beautiful fresh-ink scent.  The day we sent her out into the world on her own, we did so with pride and high expectations.

We loved her and wanted to send her to as many places as possible, but we just couldn’t afford to send her everywhere.  She did her best with what she was given, but we never felt like she was living up to her full potential.  There were so many places she wanted to go and people she wanted to meet.

As we say goodbye, we must acknowledge that the mass mailer was imperfect.  She never let us know when she arrived at her destination, and we often worried if she arrived at all.  We didn’t know if anyone had seen her.  We worried she was lying in the trash somewhere, unopened and alone.

It breaks our heart to lay our beautiful mass mailer to rest, but we do so with the knowledge that there is something bigger and better in store.  As we look to the future, we are grateful for the groundwork our dear, sweet mass mailer laid.  Our new friend, the emailer, uses all of mass mailer’s greatest qualities and none of her shortcomings.  Since he travels over the internet, he is unencumbered by the price of printing and mailing and we can send him anywhere he wants to go.  He even writes home to tell us where he is and all about the people he meets.

So here’s to the mass mailer.  She was the champion of her time, but that time has sadly passed.  We thank her for her decades of hard work and honor her memory with the next generation.

Farewell, ol’ girl.



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